Finding Beauty in Each Day

Tonight I watched the end of the PBS six-hour series "This Emotional Life" to see the segment featuring my friend Betty Schneider. Betty, who is 87 and has always loved learning and finding beauty in the world, said that her life continues to be filled with pleasurable, meaningful activities and good times with people who are dear to her. I found it moving to hear her speak about how good old age can be.

Betty misses Jack, her husband of 61 years, and wishes she could share her ongoing adventures with him, but in the six years since his death she has found ways past her sadness over his loss and again enjoys and appreciates her life. Her days are rich with activity, and there are still new things to learn and people to enjoy. She takes classes, lunches with friends, plays the piano and goes to cultural events. Life has never stood still for her.

Betty is inspiring not only in the way she lives her life now, but in the way she has always sought beauty and understanding and wished to be a force for good in the world. She loves to share the things she's learned, seen or created in the most positive and energetic ways. When I first met her and her husband Jack over 20 years ago, they spent part of each year in Palo Alto, California, near Stanford University, where Jack had long taught statistics, and they spent another part of the year in Johannesburg, South Africa, where Jack taught and did research and Betty got her PhD in anthropology at the University of the Witwatersrand (known to South Africans as Wits). Already in their late sixties and early seventies, they traveled back and forth and around the world, going to lectures and concerts and plays, taking cruises, doing research, writing and filling their lives with interesting people and stories.

Jack and Betty were active in liberal politics and loved sharing political ideas and keeping up with international news. Betty took photos so beautiful that some were published in National Geographic magazine. She painted, she wrote and published, she had friends to dinner often and brought tales of her adventures to others' parties. At Wits she made a friend of Johnny Clegg, the sensational South African pop star whose music helped spread the anti-apartheid message around the world in the 1980s; she and Johnny were both members of Wits' anthropology department.

Part of what has always made Betty such a delight is her positivism and energy. There's nothing frantic or edgy or forced in this. She's down to earth and easy to talk to, but she's also a worldly intellectual who can speak engagingly on many subjects. She is always curious to learn more and takes a genuine interest in those around her.

Betty's life is rich and full because she makes those around her feel that they and their interests matter, and that good things can and will be done if we make an effort. She is patient and gives her full attention to those she is with. As full as her life and her mind are, she still has the time and interest to open herself to new experiences. In this way, she draws toward her people of energy, positivity, passion and excitement. Because she gives so much, I believe people bring forward their best selves when they see Betty because they feel valued, respected and inspired.

I believe Betty knows the keys to a rich life at any age. Never stop learning. Never stop exploring. Keep your ears open. Find things to be passionate about. Work for things you care about. Give people respect and full attention when in their presence. Make compromises and consider the needs of your partner and those you care about. Understand that personal growth and the support of those you love take effort and sacrifice. Look for the good in people. Each of these things is true at any age, and none of them requires superhuman strength or extreme intelligence. When each day is lived with a spirit of openheartedness and positivity, when age doesn't stop a person from trying new things, taking risks and starting whole new ventures, each day can be full, meaningful and worthwhile at any age.

The PBS series focused largely on the importance of human relationships in making people happy, and on the things people do to either limit or damage their relationships with others or to encourage and enhance interpersonal closeness. I believe Betty shows by her example a number of behaviors that draw positivity and happiness into her life. This radiates from her life into the lives of others. She knows the value of being grateful for what she has. She shows the beauty of appreciating the moment and paying attention to what is happening now, and to what those around us have to say. She shows the power of continually expanding the mind and seeking out new skills, new understandings and new friendships while nurturing the old relationships. Betty laughs well and often, and her sense of humor sets those around her at ease and encourages them to relax.

Betty is an exceptional woman, but the example she sets isn't beyond the reach of those of us who may have less energy, drive or mental agility. The attitude of positivity, possibility and appreciation she carries with her each day brings her joy and spreads that joy to others. If we can learn anything from remarkable people like Betty, let us learn to appreciate and bring that sense of wonder and a desire to share the best of our discoveries with others each day.